Football and Food

First of all, I’m not in a relationship. But this week I was reminded of why I hate them. HATE THEM. HATE THEM. Cause for some reason I am always incurring the wrath of whoever I’m dating/trying to get to know. I’m going about my day all happy and free spirited like normal and suddenly I’m receiving angry texts or emails or a phone call. And it really ruins my day.

There are lots of times when I look back on things I’ve done and realized I could have been more thoughtful about something. If you know anyone with ADHD that’s not uncommon for us. But at the time i did whatever I did I felt it was perfectly fine. And people have the right not to like what I do. But I don’t understand why people have to get so angry with me. Why can’t people “discuss.” I didn’t grow up in a household with people arguing and I don’t like to do it. 

Anyway, whenever I’m dating someone I feel like nothing I do is ever right. I feel like a monster that takes and never gives. And I know there’s some truth to that but I am a good person. But I feel like I rarely get the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I don’t give it either.

People laugh at me when I don’t know what’s going on as a result of not watching TV. Personally, I think I consume quite enough by reading and tweeting. Pop culture will never be my thing and I don’t have the attention span for scripted television and fiction books even though I really wish I did. 

Lately, I’ve been trying to work up an interest in TV because I think my writing would benefit from it. That has resulted in more passive watching of television. This means iI start watching something, get distracted by something on the internet or things that need to be put away etc and end up with it just “on” and me not watching.

The other day the TV was on and I heard crying and yelling. So I go to see what’s on. And it was an episode of Cops where a woman had just escaped being raped. She was screaming and crying saying that she had been gang raped once or twice before and this was her second time escaping a rape and that this was a guy that she knew and thought was a nice person.

This was all happening in front of a housing complex. Which if you’ve ever lived or visited a housing complex in a seedier neighborhood a lot of times they’re like college dorms but with lots of lowlifes. 

What struck me was how the officer kept telling the woman to “calm down” so he could get her story. I understand where the officer was coming from… I do. But if being raped before and escaping rape isn’t a situation where people allow you to be upset, then when is it okay?

I don’t know how that situation was resolved because I turned the TV off as soon as I heard the officer say calm down twice. Between that and subjecting myself to cable news in the interest of keeping up to date on Trayvon Martin my energy for that is pretty much gone. 

Although I work in the political realm I haven’t watched cable news in years. My nerves can’t take it. 

I’d still like to see if I can get into some scripted television, I’m very intrigued by this MadMen show which, until last week, I thought was a comic strip. Now that I know what it is I’m interested. But I think all my scripted TV watching might have to come from Amazon instant or maybe i”ll resubscribe to netflix. 

I just can’t do television in a general sense. 

Let’s go over the long list of supplements I’m taking.

For the past couple months I’ve been taking Fish oil, CLA, and Flaxseed oil. Now I’m replacing the random CLA with Tonalin. I’ll probably still take the flaxseed oil for a while. I’m also adding to the list: L-Carnitine (protein), Saffron (appetite suppressant), 7-Keto (metabolism), L-Glutamine (protein absorption), and (at the recommendation of TV’s Dr. Oz) Forskolin which allegedly melts fat. 

A long time ago when I lost a tremendous amount of weight, along with exercise and diet I took tonalin, l carnitine and evening primrose oil. EPO eliminated my horrible cramps! Not sure if it will work for you, but it worked for me and they never returned. I’m excited to see if this new combo helps. Ever since I had a myomectomy (tumor removed from uterus) my metabolism has been on the floor. I’m hoping the 7-keto helps. 

As someone who rarely eats meat, it’s been difficult for me to get enough protein in. And I’m sick of protein shakes. I actually bought some boneless skinless chicken breasts. I almost never buy meat unless it’s crab, tuna, or fish. I don’t even want chicken but I need a break from the shakes. We’ll see if I actually eat it. 

updated: just a note, I also take Vitamin D, Vitamin C and Iron daily. LOL I forgot about that. So yeah I’m up to like 10 pills. The good news is that I don’t take any prescription drugs except allergy meds. These are all pills I’m taking by choice. 

Me? HAHAHHAH AHAHHAH

My personal trainer said that to me yesterday. Lots of people have, actually. And it’s not true. I’m not goal oriented. I’m successful and I’m accomplished for my age but I’m not goal oriented at all. I wish I were. I want to be.

But how do you become goal oriented when a reward to one person is your every day life? Someone says “If you hit X goal reward yourself with a massage” bwahaha I’m gonna have a massage refuckinggardless. Why wouldn’t I? Remember, I’m accomplished? I can afford it.

In order to be goal oriented you have to be disciplined. Cause if you’re not disciplined you can never be rewarded. Cause rewards are based on structure and structure needs discipline to exist. 

In order to be goal oriented you have to be unafraid of failure. Cause throwing your heart into something and failing is miserable + 100000000. Whereas…if you half ass something you can always hide behind “well I didn’t really give it my all anyway. I’m sure if I had, I’d ah gotten what I wanted. Yeah. That’s it.”

If I wasn’t fat, I wouldn’t care about any of this. But since I am and I do here we are. 

I decided to set a goal for myself and stick to it. But since I’m a quitter and spoiled by the whole world including myself, all my goals must be short term. 

First goal is for one week. For 7 days I will do a bunch of things that I’m not going to name here but…I will tell you if I failed or not. 

I honestly cannot tell you the last time I set a goal and met it. I’m actually learning toward setting a one day goal cause 7 days seems like a lifetime until you look back on your week and realized you squandered that shit and for what?